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[Nov. 11th, 2007|03:40 pm] |
The boy I kiss and the boy I love, they are the same for once.
I have let my heart tear open on account of the breeze,
And it is there; so big and red and pumping.
When it was first ripped from my chest,
My rib cage cracked in half, left dangling there like a broken puppet, the strings still attached but they no longer offered any support. The pain was unbearable.
I could not sleep. I could not eat.
I had no interest in the things that had previously brought me pleasure.
Not that it was much, since there was only one fixation:
And it was the very obsession that my heart was trying to escape so hard for.
It made no difference what I wanted.
I was no longer in control.
My heart was.
Days, weeks and months went by.
My heart was exposed to all kinds of treacherous things.
More detestation, disgust, more fear and apprehension; the innocence my young heart had once known was no longer there. So I placed an ad in the newspaper.
“MISSING: THE INNOCENCE OF ONE YOUNG HEART. REWARD.”
The innocence was never recovered. But my heart grew tough.
Only to see his eyes and feel new hurt all over again.
Until as I have already mentioned,
The breeze blew my heart apart.
Now there is no going back and my heart is very literally on my sleeve.
The veins and chambers that once made up my heart are no longer there,
They have been lost somewhere in the ocean.
The salt has dried them up; I no longer need to breathe.
I no longer need to feel the blood rushing through my veins.
I just need the wind in my face and to feel the warmth of another body at night.
Pressed up against mine whispering,
“I love you, but I do not care. I love you, but I cannot care.” |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2007|09:57 pm] |
Eucalyptus leaves,
falling snow.
When everybody loves you,
you can never be alone.
Your feet are outgrowing your shoes!
Where you live is no longer home
and you miss the smell of my bed in the morning
when it is cold and I am warm.
I miss the smell of your aftershave.
This is what has happened-
pathetic, messy puddles of happiness.
Oh you've got green eyes.
OH wait they are blue.
Stop Stop GO.
You've never been the same,
changing as much as the wind.
Your sweater, it compliments my eyes.
Just stay for the night.
because
when you and I are so far apart,
you never seem to leave my heart. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2007|10:51 pm] |
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happiest week of my life and if i could spend everyday with you for the next few weeks it would be the happiest MONTH! of my life and i would do it gladly. no one else puts their arm around me while they drive (which is sort of a hazard!), no one else makes seinfeld jokes when they are kissing me, no one else will sit with me in my kitchen and just talk for hours about everything that really means nothing. best friends and really a lot more. there's some word that doesn't exist that tells the world what we are. i just know that no matter what, it's you that is there. and i'm really thankful. and i've never been so content with my life and it's because of you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2007|08:10 pm] |
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okay i think so (8:10:15 PM): your the best obviously
duh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2007|04:21 pm] |
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i hope i never figure out who broke your heart. and if i do, i'd spend all night losing sleep. i'd spend the night and i'd lose my mind. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2007|10:00 am] |
And we're slow to acknowledge the knots on the laces, heart it races. and we go back to where we moved out to the places, heart it races. i brought it in a can and stirred it with my finger singing boom-dadadadadadada boom-dadadada. threw it out the window! and lately you've been tanned. suspicious for the winter with your boom-dadadadadadada boom-dadadada, legs like little splinters! and we're slow to acknowledge the knots in the laces,
heart it races. and we go back to where we move out to the places, heart it races. i sold it to a man and threw him out that window, he went boom-dadadadadadada boom-dadadada, made his wife a widow. heart it races alone. everybody go, boom dadadadadadada boom dadadada |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2007|09:39 pm] |
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we find ourselves alone every since the day we're born, and we seek someone to sell sutures for the places that we're torn. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2007|01:02 am] |
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nothing is making any sense to me lately and this is what comes along with being a girl and being a teenager, and i really wish i was done with all of this but the truth is i never will. a good friend helped me to see that, no matter how long you've been out of high school, no matter how old you are and how much better you are than you were in high school, things are going to stay the same. he is drunk as hell and upset over a girl, i'm in the same position only i am wrecked over a boy not a girl. why the hell is lee ann rimes on my television right now? there is a boy that i high five in the hall and say hi to on the stairs and he apologizes to ME when i run into HIM. maybe there is something more here than that, but i am probably over analyzing every little move. i hope it is the former rather than the latter, however much i know that it is in fact the latter! the same episode of Oprah that was on earlier when i fell asleep is back on, is it depressing to fall asleep to the same thing twice in one day? how is that for routine? i wish that i had something more going for me other than... well i've got nothing. i wish i had something going for me. i want graham and i to stay friends for forever. and i want things to be good like they are always when we are together. when we are not together we become the saddest most pathetic screw up kids ever. at least to one another. i think. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2007|12:04 am] |
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i'll be your winter coat, buttoned zip straight to the throat with the collar up so you won't catch cold. i want to take you far from the cynics in this town and kiss you on the mouth |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 30th, 2007|09:06 pm] |
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believe me sweetie i got enough to feed the needy |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2007|12:02 am] |
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If you don't have a date, celebrate. go out and sit on the lawn and do nothing cause it's just what you must do. nobody does it anymore |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2007|12:33 am] |
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the mexican children kick rocks into the street and they laugh in a language i don't understand, but i love them. why do i love them? so the neighborhood's dimming, they smoke on the porch, watch the people as they pass enclosed inside their cars. on their faces, just anger or disappointment. i start wishing there was something i could offer them, what consolation could i offer them. and they are sad in their suburbs, robots water the lawn. and everything they touch gets dusted spotless and so they start to believe they've not touched anything at all. and the cars in the driveway only multiply. they are lost in their houses, i've heard them sing in the shower. making speeches to their sister on the telephone sayin, "you come home woman, you come here, don't stay so far from me. this weather has me wanting love so tangible, something i can hold. it's getting cold." i say hold up a fist to the flame in the sky to block out the light that's reaching for our eyes cause it will blind us. yeah it will blind us. i've locked my actions in the grooves of routine, so i may never be free of this apathy. but i wait for a letter that's coming to me, she sends me pictures of the ocean in an envelope so there still is hope, yes i can be healed. there is someone looking for what i've concealed in my secret joy, in my pockets deep, you'll find the reasons i can't sleep. will you still want me? well i say come for the week, you can sleep in my bed and pass through my life like a dream through my head, it will be easy. i'll make it easy. all i have for the moment is a song to pass the time. and a melody to keep me from worrying. there's some simple progression to keep my fingers busy and words that are sure to come back to me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2007|11:06 pm] |
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i have a forbidden crush on a forbidden boy!!!!! not who you'd think. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2007|10:16 am] |
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I don't deserve what you have and I want to keep it that way. |
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shiftingclocks's journal
